occupational hazard

There’s a lot about having a baby you have to find out about on your own. Even if someone tells you about it, you don’t believe it until it happens.

For example, before the baby was born, I remember saying something to my mom about how long I thought my supply of diapers would last. I think I said something to the effect that I was estimating 10 or so diapers a day, which at the time I thought was generous. My mom kind of laughed and shrugged, because yeah, it songs like a good estimate, but it is wrong-o. I realized that about a week into the game when, in the course of about fifteen minutes, we went through three diapers (and a change of outfit).

One of the other things I’d been told, but didn’t really understand until recently was how much damage a baby can do to your person. I had heard stories about the occupational hazards of kids, but I didn’t really think I was looking at major bodily harm until Zooey became a toddler and got faster and more agile.

This was a mistake. This week I’ve already sported a bloody nose and a pretty sizeable bruise. I’ve also had two fat lips recently from getting headbutted in the mouth. Oh, and I regularly get punched in the throat.

What I’m saying, I guess, is that I think my sweet little baby girl might have a future as a MMA fighter.


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