Since i am a knitter, seamstress, somewhat spinner, and all-around fiber artist i feel like i should have more sympathy for the spider. they’re spinners too. and they eat other bugs, which is helpful. They should be, like, my totem animal or something. I should be inspired by their webby, silky ways.

But I’m not because I hate them. They freak the holy bejeezus out of me, and I cannot tolerate their creepy ways, with their spindly legs and their crawly ickyness. Spiders are terrible. However, I feel guilty about killing them, and so when I see one, I catch it in a paper towel and run around screaming until I manage to throw it outside. Then I come back inside and have about 3 consecutive panic attacks and throw away the clothes I was wearing. Then I wash myself with steel wool and bleach, but still think it might be crawling on me. So I sleep with one eye open, and my mouth taped shut so spiders don’t crawl in. And i shave my head in case one is in my hair. Spiders are terrible.

And then i get over it, because I have a fickle heart, and just when I’ve forgotten about spiders, there’s one crawling down my wall this morning while I’m trying to eat toast, and it is HUGE! Why is it so HUGE!? What does it eat? Will it eat my cats?

But I can’t kill it, because I know my fear is irrational, and actually maybe my cats will be the ones who eat it. And I don’t know if that’s good for the cats, but it would certainly be bad for the spider. So I put it outside. And then died a little bit because I had to get near it to move it. I hope it’s not waiting for me when I leave for work in a few minutes. I don’t want a confrontation.